Everlasting marriages are a unique feature of Indian culture. Divorce rate in India is lowest in the world, just 1.1 percent as compared to over 50 percent of USA. It was even lower in the last decade, just .74 percent. But the cases of divorce are increasing rapidly. And among the various reasons, love marriages also contribute to the rising divorce cases. Even if such marriages not ending to the divorce, most of the couples feel that their relationship is not as blissful as it was before marriage. They complain that their partner has changed, interestingly both of them makes the same complain.
But the blame should not be poured on the love marriages, but on the type of love and the depth of the hearts. Most of the time the love, as we call it, is infatuation, mere attraction, and when you are in such love, life becomes a fairy tale, everything seem to be so very perfect. And why not, you have finally met the partner of your dreams and you are literally on the ninth cloud, so far from the ground realities. That is why it is said, love is blind. A person will see only what one wants to see. Other person also often present one as an ideal match and thus a deadly sweet mixture is created; you are looking only to the good and your mate is showing only good. And you create a very fine picture of the life post marriage with permanent colors.
And after the marriage, reality strikes. The real self is revealed to both of you, landing you on an alien planet. The picture starts dissolving its colors in your high expectations, as you were expecting your partner to behave as per the script you had in your ambitions pre marriage, and when the thing doesn’t moves the way you liked, it hurts your ego. Clash of egos is fatal. The facets that you have overlooked, suddenly becomes very important to you, the things that once excited you start annoying you. These hammers a big impact on your subconscious mind that evaporates love from your life, and you keep wondering what went wrong. This is when; “you have changed after marriage” becomes your favorite sentence you say to your spouse.
But the blame should not be poured on the love marriages, but on the type of love and the depth of the hearts. Most of the time the love, as we call it, is infatuation, mere attraction, and when you are in such love, life becomes a fairy tale, everything seem to be so very perfect. And why not, you have finally met the partner of your dreams and you are literally on the ninth cloud, so far from the ground realities. That is why it is said, love is blind. A person will see only what one wants to see. Other person also often present one as an ideal match and thus a deadly sweet mixture is created; you are looking only to the good and your mate is showing only good. And you create a very fine picture of the life post marriage with permanent colors.
And after the marriage, reality strikes. The real self is revealed to both of you, landing you on an alien planet. The picture starts dissolving its colors in your high expectations, as you were expecting your partner to behave as per the script you had in your ambitions pre marriage, and when the thing doesn’t moves the way you liked, it hurts your ego. Clash of egos is fatal. The facets that you have overlooked, suddenly becomes very important to you, the things that once excited you start annoying you. These hammers a big impact on your subconscious mind that evaporates love from your life, and you keep wondering what went wrong. This is when; “you have changed after marriage” becomes your favorite sentence you say to your spouse.
On the other hand when you enter into the relationship by the way of different road, your enter into it with a different state of mind altogether, now you do not try to falsely impress you partner, there is no need to, also what ever come to you is new, perception is not there, prejudice is not there, so a higher level of understandability is formed.
It is not to say that arrange marriages are better than love marriage, what matters the most in the relationship is true love, love that is not a mere attraction, love that is not conditional, love that is not demanding, love where you accept the person as it is, love when you two no longer remain two you become one.
And when you are in such love, it doesn’t matter how you got into it, but you are in it. It is just that in case of the love marriage which is built on pseudo love then it is a bit difficult to see the things in their true color. Otherwise it hardly matters if you marry after love or love after marriage.
It is not to say that arrange marriages are better than love marriage, what matters the most in the relationship is true love, love that is not a mere attraction, love that is not conditional, love that is not demanding, love where you accept the person as it is, love when you two no longer remain two you become one.
And when you are in such love, it doesn’t matter how you got into it, but you are in it. It is just that in case of the love marriage which is built on pseudo love then it is a bit difficult to see the things in their true color. Otherwise it hardly matters if you marry after love or love after marriage.
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